This post is late in coming, but Lydia is two! On April 12th we celebrated her with a sweet little family birthday party. We decided on a farm theme because since she arrived home we have read her Big Red Barn, for every nap and bedtime. She loves the animals and the rhythmic storyline and what strikes us as funny is that she has most positively never actually seen a farm. 🙂 None-the-less it’s her favorite. So with toy farm animals and a farm themed cake we celebrated little Lydia DanQing. Her first birthday party. Wow. To think how we fussed over first birthday parties for our boys and here she was being truly celebrated for the first time. It was a wonderful day.
In contrast her actual birthday, two days before her party April 10, was a bit of a strange day for me. I experienced a strange mixture of joy and grief on that day. Adoption is beautiful, and messy and as I think my older sister put it once, life can be a bit of ‘beautiful mess.’ That’s how it felt on Lydia’s birthday. I woke up, went in to her room, got my usual big bear hug from her, snuggled her, and went about getting ready for the day. I was overcome with my love for her. Lars and I say it often, “we couldn’t love her any more!” She is so wonderful. After knowing her for all of three months I could say she is quick to learn, clever, determined, responsive, receptive and SO loving. She is ‘all-in’. She snuggles hard and hugs tight and wants to be held most the time. She can’t get enough. She is a beautiful, active, smart little girl and she is a delight. …Here is where the ‘mess’ comes in.
Somewhere in China, there is a woman who will never know her daughter. At one point in the day I was overcome with sadness over this fact, and sat sobbing at my computer. I just sobbed. Grieving for Lydia’s mother in China who didn’t get to know this child. I think of Lydia’s birth mother often, like every day. I pray for her and I wonder about her. And I grieve for her loss. Because no matter the difficult circumstances surrounding her being unable to keep Lydia, she gave birth to a child, and is I’m sure, remembering her in some way.
This email best sums up the emotions of the day for me. And for all the fellow adoptive parents reading this blog, I’m sure I’m not alone in the emotional messiness I experienced on this day.
What a special day. A bittersweet day. So strange the emotions I’m feeling. I could not be more in love with this little gem that has forever changed our world. I am so, her mother. She is ours, such a treasure. Such a gift to us.
And yet, I have burst into tears twice today as I think of Lydia’s mother in China. Because no matter the circumstances that surrounded her having to give up her baby girl, she is remembering today…this week…last week, whenever her real birthday is/was. She will never forget carrying Lydia and giving her away. I am so overcome with grief for a woman I will never, ever know. The reality of her loss has hit me like a brick and I’m just so sad for her.
So, please pray that this mother out there somewhere, halfway around the world, has some crazy knowing sense that Lydia is fine. That she is adopted and loved and provided for. I believe God is that big, so pray with me.
Love you dear family.
And God is that big. So if you’re a praying person, pray with me. Pray for Lydia’s birth mother (and father) somewhere in China. That God would touch their lives, reveal himself, bring them health and peace and a knowing sense that Lydia has found a home where she is safe and healthy and loved.